Would You Like to Take a Survey?
by Dark Side Luke
Summary: Luke goes to the mall and is harrassed by a survey woman. Chaos ensues.


Would You Like to Take a Survey? By: Dark Side Luke  
  
Summary: Luke goes to the mall and is troubled by a survey woman.  
  
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own any of the characters from the Star Wars movies. If I did I'd be rich and wouldn't need to write stupid little stories...  
  
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Luke stood in the entrance of the large mall. It was Lando's birthday and Luke forgot to buy a present. Only by Force persuasion was he able to leave and head to the mall to buy a last minute gift.  
  
"Would you like to take a survey?" a voice said beside him.  
  
Luke turned and saw an elderly, overweight woman holding a clip board and a pen.  
  
Luke smiled and shrugged. "Sure," he said.  
  
"Do you like bantha steaks?" she asked.  
  
"No."  
  
"Would you like to eat a bantha steak at the Bantha Slaughterhouse?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Does a bantha steak smothered in cheese sound good to you?"  
  
"No." Was she even listening? "I gotta go," Luke said before the woman could ask another question. He ran off.  
  
Luke walked into the book store. Maybe Lando would like a book? Somehow Luke doubted it, but he looked anyway.  
  
Luke walked into the dating section and picked up a book called "Dating for Losers." Luke laughed.  
  
There was a disturbance in the Force.  
  
"Would you like to take a survey?" a voice asked.  
  
Luke whirled around and saw the fat old woman.  
  
"Do you like bantha burgers?" she asked.  
  
Luke set down the book and walked out of the store. He turned around and saw he was being followed by the woman, so he lifted a book with the Force and put it in the woman's pocket. He left the store.  
  
After a moment or two, Luke heard alarms going off from the book store. Looks like they found a theif, he thought. He smiled. He walked to the food court.  
  
***  
  
After eating his burger, which wasn't made of bantha, Luke stood up to try finding the perfect gift. The problem was he didn't know where to look. He walked to the music store. Lando liked music. Well, as far as Luke knew, he did. He entered the store.  
  
"Would you like to take a survey?"  
  
Luke closed his eyes but didn't turn around. He sighed.  
  
"Would you eat bantha tofu?"  
  
"Bantha tofu?" Luke asked. Was there such a thing?  
  
"Would you eat it with rice?"  
  
Luke looked around for someone who could help him. Everyone seemed to disappear. He wished he could disappear. Then he wouldn't be in this mess.  
  
"Would you eat it with beans?"  
  
"I suppose you're going to ask if I'd eat green eggs and ham?" Luke joked.  
  
"Would you eat a bantha burger with cheese?"  
  
Obviously, she wasn't listening. Luke turned and walked away. Suddenly, the dark side seemed like a good idea.  
  
***  
  
She's gone, Luke thought. He heaved a sigh of relief and got up from his hiding place--behind the fountain. More then a few people gave him questioning looks.  
  
"I had to go...bad," he said and shrugged. He quickly walked to the toy store. Time was running out and that lady could come around any minute.  
  
Lando liked toys...for some odd reason. He kept a collection of action-figures on his desk. They were from some movie...something about stars...Luke shrugged. He'd know it when he saw it.  
  
He walked into the action-figures section and looked for the toys Lando would like.  
  
"Would you like to take a survey?"  
  
Luke slowly turned around. He reached for his lightsaber, which was at home, much to his luck. This was not his day.  
  
"Would you..."  
  
"NO!" Luke screamed, drawing nervous glances from passerbys. "I wouldn't eat any crap from The Bantha Slaughterhouse or whatever the sith it's called! Shut up and leave me alone!"  
  
The woman was quiet...for about two seconds.  
  
"Would you eat..."  
  
"SHUT UP!! You don't get it do you?"  
  
"But, would you eat a..."  
  
Luke grabbed a toy off the shelf and hurled it at the woman. She dodged and Luke ran out of the store.  
  
Luke ran to the hardware store. He needed someplace to hide and fast. He heard footsteps behind him.  
  
Luke entered the store and threw out his hand. Using the Force, a metre stick flew into it.   
  
The woman was close behind and she also grabbed a metre stick. They both stood in the defensive postion.  
  
"Take a survey!" the woman yelled, charging Luke.  
  
"Never!" Luke yelled, bringing up his stick and blocking the blow.  
  
Luke swung his stick and slapped the woman in the arm. She recoiled and brought her stick up. She charged again and slapped Luke in the leg. Luke fell to the floor.  
  
The woman stood above Luke, her stick raised. Luke raised his stick with one hand, still on the floor.  
  
The woman brought the stick down again and again. Luke was hard pressed to keep her stick from slapping him in the face.  
  
Finally, she hit Luke's stick to one side, leaving him open for attack. To Luke it seemed all too familiar. She brought her stick down and slapped Luke in the wrist, forcing him to drop his stick, where it skittered across the tile floor.  
  
Luke panted and looked up at the woman.  
  
"Take a survey," she said.  
  
Luke shook his head. "Never. I'll never take your survey. I am a Jedi. Here to buy my friend a gift. You'll have to kill me before I take your precious survey."  
  
"So be it," the woman said. "Jedi." She raised her stick and jabbed Luke in the ribs.  
  
Luke thrashed on the floor in pain as the woman poked him again and again in the ribs.  
  
Just then, Han walked by. He didn't seem to notice Luke on the floor with a fat woman poking him.  
  
"Han!" Luke said. "Please! Help!" He rolled around on the floor some more.  
  
Han turned around and saw Luke. He walked behind the woman and grabbed a metre stick, striking her on the head. She collapsed on the floor. He helped Luke up.  
  
"Thanks," Luke said, standing up. "I owe you one."  
  
"Yeah, I know," Han said. "Listen, I came by to tell you you're calender was wrong. Lando's birthday is tomorrow."  
  
Luke closed his eyes and sighed.   
  
"What are you going to get him?" Han asked.  
  
"I'll just give him twenty credits and have a nap," Luke said as he walked towards the mall exit.  
  
Han shrugged and followed.  
  
***THE END***  



End file.
